When family and friends fall away from the Church, Jesus gently calls us to peace, prayer and faithful trust: “Follow me”
Father Sam Martin
Vicar for Clergy
Even though it happened nearly 25 years ago, it still ranks toward the top of my “most embarrassing moments” list. Because a former student joined their religious order, I was invited to offer Mass at the Motherhouse for the Nashville Dominicans. I had recently read a book by a Poor Clare nun titled “A Memory for Wonders,” and I thought sharing some of it would help flesh out whatever point I was making in the homily. Without giving any warning of forthcoming spoilers, I described the pivotal scenes at the end of the book.
After Mass, I had the opportunity to meet many of the postulants—those just beginning their formation as future professed sisters. One of them mentioned that the postulants had been reading the same book. While I was really surprised, I regained my composure and asked how they liked it. One postulant innocently admitted, “Well, we’re not actually done yet. We still have 40 pages to go.” At that moment, I felt like the biggest fool. I suddenly realized that I had just spoiled the ending of a book they were excited to finish. Even now, I still blush with embarrassment when I think back on that experience.
Notwithstanding my embarrassment, that book does have one of the most incredible endings ever, and it is a true story that happened not long ago. Veronica’s parents had no faith and promised that if they ever had children, they would protect them from the scourge of organized religion. Veronica’s grandparents had other plans, however, so one day when her parents were not around, they snuck Veronica to a church and had her baptized.
This infuriated Veronica’s parents, and they moved to a different country, vowing never to return. Veronica was raised without faith, and yet she discovered the idea of God one evening when she witnessed the most breathtaking sunset of her life. As a little girl of about three years, she already suspected that someone had made that sunset just for her.
“Follow Me”
As Veronica grew older, she became increasingly interested in God. Eventually, she became a Catholic, which broke her parents’ hearts. When she began to feel God’s call to become a Poor Clare nun, her parents warned that the decision would end their relationship. Veronica prayed and begged God to help her in knowing what to do. Jesus simply told Veronica, “Follow me. I love your parents, and I have a plan for them. You, follow me.”
Veronica became a nun, and her parents cut off all contact with her. Many years later, her dad was dying in a hospital. When the chaplain came by, Veronica’s dad started criticizing the Church and admitted that in spite of his efforts, his daughter had become a nun. When the priest asked if he’d like to go to confession, he said yes, even though it had been over 50 years since he’d last gone. Sometime that night, the man died. Imagine the shock his family and friends had when they heard he had requested a Catholic funeral!
Veronica was given extraordinary permission to return home, not for the funeral, but months later to take care of her mom, who was struggling as a widow. One night, Veronica was awakened by her mom, who was rummaging through the kitchen cupboards. When Veronica asked what she was looking for, her mother replied that she was certain there must be an examination of conscience somewhere in the house. The next day, Veronica fetched the local priest and brought him to their home. He heard her mother’s confession for the first time in over 50 years and offered Mass on the desk where her father had spent much of his adult life writing anti-Catholic treatises.
When Loved Ones Drift from the Faith
All of this is a long prelude to the problem of people who fall away from the Faith. What makes this especially painful is when it happens to people in our families and circle of friends. Jesus’ simple advice to Veronica applies to each of us, too. While we tend to worry and tie our hearts into knots, Jesus speaks such simple words of truth: “Follow me!”
As I prepared to leave parish ministry for my current role as vicar for clergy, I reflected on the Gospel reading for that day—the famous scene of Jesus and Peter after the Resurrection. Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him, to which Peter responds “yes” three separate times. And after each yes, Jesus says something like “tend my sheep.” It was the first time I ever realized that Jesus specifically says “my” sheep. That was a consolation to me, because it meant the people I loved and served were never really mine—they were always His!
When we lament the fact that so many of our family and friends have fallen away from the Faith and fret about what to do, one truth we should embrace is to remember that they belong to God, not to us. And His word is always simple: “Follow me.” We may respond, “But what about them, Lord? I love them. I have a plan for them.” And the Lord replies, “You, follow me!”
Hope in the Witness of Young Saints
Recently, two young men were canonized saints on the same day: Carlo Acutis and Pier Giorgio Frassati. Carlo was only 15 years old when he died, and Pier Giorgio was just 24. Both came from families who were not all that devout. But God gave Carlo and Pier Giorgio faith and courage, and so they attended Mass every Sunday, even when members of their families did not. At one point, Pier Giorgio expressed interest in becoming a priest, but his dad, in no uncertain terms, forbade it.
How did Pier Giorgio and Carlo rise above the lukewarmness that could have held them spiritually captive? One of the best passages I’ve ever read comes from a somewhat famous book titled “I Believe in Love,” by Father Jean C. J. D’Elblee. It gives sound advice that can transform our discouragement into the kind of holiness exemplified by saints like Carlo and Pier Giorgio.
“How many husbands and wives, mothers of families, have come and sought me out because their spouses or their sons or daughters no longer practice the faith. ‘Father, what anguish! What grief! All my efforts to lead them back to God are in vain. What shall I do?’ And I always answer, ‘First of all, pay the ransom by your Masses and your Communions, adding to the blood of Jesus in the chalice, the blood of your souls which is your tears. Then keep your confidence in the infinite mercy of the Savior. Say, like one mother I know who was distressed by the conduct of her children, ‘Jesus, you love them too much not to save them.’ Thank Him in advance for the heaven He is preparing for them because of your prayer, but—and this is very, very important—while you are suffering, wait in peace for the time of Jesus, the time chosen by Him to grant your request. He will perhaps make you wait a long time, precisely as a proof of your confidence. Do not disappoint Him; tell Him, whatever your trial, that with His grace nothing will make you lose your profound peace, because you are sure of Him.”
The Ending We Can Always Trust
While I have a history of spoiling endings (just ask some of the Nashville Dominican Sisters), I hope it comes as no surprise that Jesus won! When He conquered sin and death and walked away from His own tomb, it signaled that good prevails over evil in the end. Of that, people of faith should have no doubt.
When we find ourselves starting to despair about our loved ones who have drifted from God, that’s a very good time to lean our head on Jesus’ heart in prayer and listen to Him say, “Follow Me. I love your family, and I have a plan for them. You, stay close to Me.” That’s what the Blessed Mother did, as did Carlo Acutis and Pier Giorgio Frassati.And what about you? What about me? What will we do?